Stranger Than Me?
by icklecharm
Summary: Creeping out from the silence, you would have never known where I came from. I, Emily Strange present to you what just might be the phenomenal story ever. Stuff you if you don't respect my ego. Go on little child.
1. Prologue

**Stranger Than Me?**

Written by **laceduplolita**

**Disclaimer** I do not Emily Strange or any characters that you recognise from the books and merchandise. It all belongs to Rob Regner, Buzz Parker and the brand Comic Debris.

* * *

Trudging through the tapered darkness into the creepy castle I call my heaven, I met my twisted, delightful kitty friend. My one sidekick I should always trust - Miles.

You will notice him. He's the only black cat with six claws to my knowledge.

If you upset him, you will be tortured like no one has been tortured before. I have my ideas - I could build a trap from every little implement in my basement and lock you up for eternity, trapped within the gates that prevails many creatures to haunt you from every little black cat and zonster to skirmish.

Be warned.

And whoever calls Miles or any other devillish black cat of mine a Grimalkin should face the most devastating death the world has ever seen. Would you like it much if you were trapped within those gates, and even worse, to be confined in a small space with my fellow zonster, Pillowgoat. Don't you dare snicker wildly at his name. For his name is nothing but a disguise. A bluff as you wish.

And me? Well, you'll just have to find out, won't you?

Don't think, I'll just reveal all my atrocious secrets to complete strangers who know nothing more but to sneak around and nose about. This is all my business. If you want to read me, fine. But don't go running to me when you have a what-do-you-call-it a "boo boo". Now that has just got to be the most ridiculous word of all literature if you ask me.

Just run along child.


	2. Heaven or Hell? Your Choice

I am Emily Strange.

I believe that I am one of the descendants of the devil. Be it be any evil task, I **will** do it. I have the tendency to think larger than life and that is just one of the things I love about me. What do you love about me. Come on, I know you love me.

shakes head

Sometimes, I know that I am so kidding myself on these types of things. I have so much of an ego that I don't even know how I can control it in the first place.

_Purr_ My Miles. Don't touch him. Deep inside he possesses dark, evil gifts which could be downright nasty if you want it all to happen to you. But I'd advise you to never get in the wrong sides of him.

Outside, I heard blinking sounds of shrieks. _Now, this has to be interesting_ I staggered slowly toward the sound as if I has supersonic powers, as if hearing was the only sense that I had.

_Mreoooww!_

"Miles, be quiet, we'll have to listen for the predator."

I hid behind a gravely cave like structure, knowing that if I didn't hide myself, I'd be caught on the limbs of death. I mean, I wouldn't mind seeing how it would be like in the afterlife, with the firey rage bottling up in the landscape.

Oh, yes. I do except to see myself in the lands of hellfire, the underworld and everything in it. I imagine that it would be very cosy at the very least. With, fire all around you - day and night and night... and day... and day again .. and night.

Hm, maybe the thought isn't very satisfying at all. But I wouldn't want to be consecrated in the happy-go-lucky land of Heaven either. It's sickening really. I mean, we would have to go back to kindergarden rules.

**1)Know how to share**  
Excuse me, but I will just keep my shit and you keep yours. I'm not sharing anything, especially not my Miles, thank you very much.

**2)Be considerate to others**  
You have got to be kidding me. I'm not going to be nice to you if you keep acting like a stuck up bitch. Do you except me to pay you a million dollars because you called _my_ cat a Grimalkin? I think not.

**3)Be kind to your friends**  
Finally, one that almost makes sense. Miles is my friend. I'll kick you if you even dare to pet him. Nyah.

**4)Be honest**  
I'm honest. HONESTLY! Search me, why don't you.

**5)Stop, look and listen**  
What a whatiwa?

**6)Click goes your seatbelt**  
WTF! Where is this all going. Kindergarden rules were enough but Ronald McDonalds little mantras? I'm giving up on this.

And that is why Heaven will suck. Okay, I've decided.

Hell - all the way for me.

I don't think I would survive a minute on "Happyland".

**MREEOOOWWW!**

"Ohh, it's only you Miles. You almost got me there" Thank the devil I have Miles to get me out of those thought bubbles. I don't even know why I bother.

**Meow...**

Miles purred and tilted his fur clad head toward the direction of, oh bother, it was only one of my Zonsters, damn it.

I was expecting more of a demon kind of creature, but a zonster. sigh I get worked up about the most injudicious things. I wish I found a demon right now.

At the present, that is one of my wishes.

- out of precisely 666.

What are are the odds?


End file.
